Oh! My gOd!

Four hands, blue skin and armed... overwhelmingly.. That's how i remember my first encounter with God... the supreme being.... the one who is supposed to solve all my problems, watching what i am doing, always... From poster on the wall to Ramanand Sagar Ramayana I think my admiration started for my love for Bow and Arrow and then to the one who is using it!
From a believer to an atheist... a transition as part of change in principles or plain laziness to sit and chant every day is very debatable, but then for whatever reason, the idea of believing in not believing is very attractive.
I was a believer so to say... during school days, rather i didn't want any risk, not pleasing god and losing marks was the last thing i wanted, I barely passed, couldn't afford to take any chances. There was no defining, dramatic moment when it occurred to me, like a bulb glowing or enlightenment, that i wanted to move away from.. superstitions. May be its my character, but i was never comfortable assuming there was someone watching over what i am doing, a self conscious being may be.
Or may be its that the god i have been acquainted to from young age is a fierce ready to blow up egoist who gets angry just at the drop of a hat... else the fact that few of my friends who prayed less than me always easily got good marks... conveniently managed to overlook the fact that they did spent some time in front of books when i got busy with sleep, food, play, planning next days play and of course praying.
I don't remember the day i got free of prayers, superstitions, idol worshiping , may be it was gradual. But i do know that my mind is much more free, then on.. at peace with itself. No more i suffer through the tortures of praying.. to stand in a queue half naked, sweating and touching (smothering ?) the people in front and back. To shove, pull, push what not to view idol for more time.. they call it "darshanam". More viewing is directly proportional to better prosperity (this word has more meaning than we can guess) it means... affluence, power, health...err lets put it as what i don't currently have. Oh! then i suppose the priest should be the most prosperous(he gets to see the "God" most)? Hmm will he continue being a priest if he is that prosperous .. ok let us stop it here before we have the blasphemy bomb ticking to explode.
Oh! then did i almost forget the bribing part ? From butter to sandal wood to money god takes them all.. ok people assume God takes it. If God doesn't take it and priests are not prosperous, God knows where it all goes... hope he knows, at least!
May be people feel good when they have "dharshanam" for more time, so what if they are kicking and shoving others? May be they get more peace if they know they have given away something they value most.. let's face it.. it's not anything else.. but money these days.. so what if we don't know who takes it on behalf of God... at least we get peace of mind...
May be that is what counts.. being at peace with oneself.. may be in a non-violent way... (i have not counted those mild kicking and shoving here) ... may be that is what everyone is trying to get to.... as some one said each to his own. Oops! Oh! My GoD... does that mean the whole write-up went waste? Nah! the whole exercise proved i can write in paragraphs.. next time i will try my hand at making my grammar better ;) Yeah i know next to impossible. But then its not my fault Wren n Martin were born before me and more importantly got their first edition out even before I could..... let me stop before i completely digress, divert and what not.